I've said it before and I'll say it again, labor is hard. Its not a surprise that getting a human child out of your body is hard. I believe that it is my responsibility to make it as easy as such a difficult thing can be.
It's a doulas responsibility to make a laboring women feel like a queen. Comfort measures and support are our specialty. The unfortunate reality is that not all doulas believe this to be the case. Many doulas have taken upon themselves the name of "advocate." I am not an advocate.
oulas are not here to tell you what to do or tell hospital staff what to do. I'm not a nurse, I'm not a doctor or midwife and I'm not your partner. You are a grown adult and you should pride yourself in making the best decisions possible for you and your family! I trust you! I trust you to listen to your body and take control of your birth experience.
So what do you do when your doula is the worst? First of all, I want you to know that you have a voice! If your doula is stepping into an advocate role that makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to say "STOP! Back up. This is my birth experience and I may agree with you but guess what, I may change my mind!" You have every right to take control of your birth experience.
What if you had a bad experience with a doula in the past? Someone with a "birth savior" complex who pushed their ideal birth onto you?
What do you do if you have a bad taste in your mouth and simply want someone who will hold your hand while they put in that epidural?
Or someone who will cheer with you and cry with you when your baby is born and though it may not have been perfect, it was perfect for you!
You interview and you ask around and trust your gut. You know what's best for you. You know when someone gives off a weird vibe. You've got this, mama! I hope you won't let a bad doula experience deter you from seeking out this option. We're not all the same. While the Doula Girls and many other doulas out there don't advocate, we support unconditionally. We are here for you every step of the way!
We want you to be at peace with your birth experience, even joyful about it. We want you to remember it as one of the happiest days of your life because not only was your baby born, but you were made a mother on your own terms. So what do you do when your doula's the worst? Fire them. Get rid of that negative energy and move forward into better days with better doulas. We are here and we are ready to help you achieve your best birth on your terms!
