This is the longest I’ve ever gone without writing down my birth story. A part of me feels like it’s because five children is a lot of children! Another part of me has just savored such a beautiful experience. Where Goldie’s birth was frustrating, exciting and kind of crazy, wally’s birth story is calm, beautiful and comforting. Its interesting because those words also describe him as a person so far. He is such a sweet, beautiful spirit. He’s a very understated personality and i love being around him.
I want to start his birth story when I was 40 weeks. I always go over my due date with all my babies so I knew that that was what to be expected this time. My mother in law got to our home on my due date and I was so grateful. My body and mind were absolutely exhausted and I desperately needed her so that I could focus on myself. She was a godsend. Stephen was also able to take a few days off and we did everything to try and get me into labor. The zoo, family picnic with friends, so much walking, rest, meditation, regular chiro visits and on and on and on. Every single day was a million hours long and every day that came to an end was truly a shock to my system. I did not think that I could possibly be pregnant for any longer and yet every day I woke up and I was still pregnant!!!
I started to feel very worried and stressed about the safety of my baby during this time (an interesting presentation of past trauma) and was so relieved that his numbers were perfect, kick counts were perfect and ultrasound was perfect. He just simply wasn’t ready. Every day for the last 10 days of my pregnancy I had the same routine, get on the ball and bounce while we watched a family show, put the kids to bed and get in the tub. Spend about 15 minutes on meditation to calm myself and work to trust my body, watch a fun cooking show with stephen and go to sleep. I had some intense days of prodromal labor and texted my birth team at least three times that “this might be it but i’ll keep you updated”.
When I was 41+4 my mother in law had to go back home and I was devestated. I was so looking forward to her being at the birth and having a part in the whole process. I was so sad that she had to go and I was 100% certain that the baby was not going to come until I was well past 42 weeks. I told myself that I could make it to 42+2 and then after that I would need to go in and be induced for my own mental well being. I’ve never been more emotional in my life. Every day was an emotion marathon and I was exhausted!!!
On the thursday morning I woke up and I was sure without a shadow of doubt that he was not coming that day. Stephen took off work because we had absolutely no food in our house and there was no way I could maneuver my way around sams club, aldi and walmart alone. We walked around sams club and I was suprised to have two mild, but more intense than previously, contractions as we were walking the store. It felt exciting to have something happening that was different but within the next four hours I only had one more contraction.
I talked to my midwife on the phone and we made a plan for that weekend. I was going to come in for another cervical sweep on Friday when I had my chiro appt. She told me that I should just relax and that I could do it and to trust my body. She said if I had any prodromal labor tonight that I should act on it and not try to sleep through it (I had fallen asleep during contractions a few days in a row at this point).
Then I got on the phone with my older sister and I was telling her how negative i’ve been feeling and nervous about the home-birth not happening because of Goldie’s experience. I told her I would be so disappointed if I had to go in and be induced. She told me “we all know you can do it. There’s no doubt in any of our minds that you’re going to do it and it’s going to be great". I truly feel like those were the exact words I needed to hear. I think I needed to know that I wasn’t the only one who believed I could have an amazing home-birth and that my sisters were on my side!
We ate dinner that night with no expectation of anything happening and went to watch our family show. I noticed during my time on the ball that I was getting a little aggrevated with the show and I decided to let stephen handle the kids and I went and got in the tub. While I was in the tub I noticed that my cramping was getting a little more regular and a little stronger (probably a 2 on a 1-10 scale) so I started timing them. They were 6-8 minutes apart which really suprised me for some reason! Clearly I was in denial! I texted the birth team (it was probably 8:30) and told them that chances were not good that this was the real thing but I wanted to give them (another!!) heads up, just in case (birth worker problems! Completely in denial while also trying to be realistic ha!)
I texted my doula and friend Martha and told her that this probably wasnt it. Her reply was “you are 41 +5, the chances of this NOT being it are extremely slim! Time to accept it!” It dawned on my then that she was probably right and I was probaly going to have a baby!! Stephen and I then went on a walk around our neighboorhood. My contractions were still probably a 4 but I did have to stop walking a few times through them and they were getting closer to 5 min apart. Near the end of the second lap of our neighborhood stephen started to panic and told me that he really wanted me to call the midwife when I got home. I laughed it off because I knew I wasnt close (it was about 10 pm) and that I was doing great! We got home and I called kendra the midwife and told her that Stephen was worried and asked if she could come over to watch things and check me to see if I had dilated anymore (I was a 1 a few days before). She got to our home about an hour later and I was 5 cm. I was shocked and excited because I usually go pretty fast once I’m 5 cm! From that point on it was pure focus. I knew I needed to get my body moving so we changed the sheets and picked up a bit as well as blew up the pool and started pacing around my room. I had a good cry when Kendra got there and said that she was going to stay. I was so relieved and I know Stephen was relieved that he wasnt alone!
Around 11:45 the rest of my birth team started to come in. Kendra my birth photographer, Martha my doula, My sister (I started crying when she came in, I was so happy she got to be there!), Lydia the student midwife and Sam the midwife assistant (and one of My KC Doula’s amazing doulas!) I felt so overwhelmed and grateful for the women that were surrounding me! These are birth power houses with such varied and unique experiences and I was so happy that each of them could be at my birth with me and support me. I didn’t feel any fear at any point from the time I got out of the tub until he was in my arms. It was an amazing feeling knowing that come what may, I had the most qualified people at my side. I’m still in awe!
Once everyone was there I decided we needed to go on a walk because it was taking too long (it had been an hour from when she checked me so clearly I was excited!) We walked up and down in front of my house and it was hard. Every contraction I had to focus and shut off the world but I still felt so in control. At one point I remember Zoee and Martha discussing how they like to cook and save their beans and it was so funny to hear their chatter and know that I was so safe. Finally I decided I needed the tub so we went inside and started filling it up. I had a few contractions on the bed and was feeling like I was in a great pattern. I got in the tub and it was hilarious how small and big it felt in the middle of my bedroom! As a large woman I was able to stretch out my legs and use it as a comfortable hot tub while also feeling very cocooned and comfortable. I was suprised how much I enjoyed the big tub!
My contractions spaced out a bit but I was definitely feeling pushy at the end of each one. I would push for a second and then rest for a few minutes until it was time for the next one. I went back and forth on my hands and knees and then back to sitting. My sister asked me if I wanted the kids to be there and I really did but when I asked Kendra, she suggested focusing on my needs right then and I couldn’t have agreed more. I think with my contractions so spaced out, it wouldn’t have been best to have them there with me as much as I wanted them. I needed to dig deep and make some decisions about how I was going to get this baby out. Finally I had had enough of these little practice pushing contractions and I was ready.
I rolled to my hands and knees and felt an intense desire to just be done with the whole thing. I was ready to meet my baby! I had the most intense sensations of my baby moving through my pelvis and almost sliding down into the water. I felt his head come out and had a second of panic until I heard Lydia say “just let his head be there, relax, let him be there. “ I knew she was right and I needed to give him a second. The next thing I knew, I could feel his head turn and then one shoulder and the other come through. It was amazing and the most fascinating experience!!! I’ve had three unmedicated births and this was the first time I have felt every cardinal movement. I reached down and pulled him up and I knew I was done! I had a fear of shoulder dystocia (I have large babies!) so when I pulled him up out of the water I couldn’t believe that none of my fears were realized! Every single moment of his birth had been controlled and beautiful! I held him to my chest and my sister ran to get the big kids! It was such an amazing experience. I felt so powerful and capable and I couldn’t believe it had gone off without a hitch! No one except me had to touch him because he was crying and beautiful.
This birth was truly a redemptive dream come true. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience and I’m so proud of what I accomplished. I’ve always been proud of my body for what it does during pregnancy and birth and this was another remarkable story to add to the best days of my life.
Walter Reese Moore
6/16/23 3:43 AM
10 lbs 4 oz
23 inches long
Photo and video by Kendra Miller Photography
