Does your older child know what newborns are like? What they can and cannot do? Often, the time spent preparing your toddler for a newborn will be teaching them these things. Spending time with friends or family who have new babies is the most practical approach to teaching your toddler about newborns. This applies to all siblings to be, even those who are just a year old themselves. Reading educational, age appropriate books are another great way to teach all about becoming a big sibling. Encouraging your older child to play with a baby doll can help them get used to the small frame of a newborn.
You can use playtime to teach them how to:
be gentle
change a diaper
bathe baby
feed baby or help mom get baby in a good position for feeding
and most of all, love a baby.
While still pregnant, set up friends, family and your postpartum doula to come visit after the baby's born. If your older child doesn't know these helpers very well, arrange more time together before the baby is born so they don't feel stressed or anxious when you can't spend as much time with them.
Something else you may want to do is start traditions and create activities that become top priorities in your home, then plan around them. Once your baby arrives, baby-wearing and extra help may be what you need to be able to continue those traditions and not feel overwhelmed. Your toddler is still small and they still need you, therefore they may become resentful of the time you're spending with the new baby. Take this opportunity to teach them that there will be times when the baby can't wait, and you must focus on them first. Let them also know that there will be times when the baby can wait, this lets them know they are still important.
When preparing for the new baby, consider the different transitions your older child will be going through soon; like moving from crib to bed, potty training, and weaning from the breast, bottle, or pacifier. Successfully achieving these transitions before the end of pregnancy will ease stress. After accomplishing these transitions your toddler will feel more independent, allowing you more time to bond with your newborn. But stay mindful of regressions that often occur after the addition of a sibling.
Once your newborn has arrived, you may want to consider hiring a postpartum doula to spend time with your toddler. These helpful hands can also take care of your newborn, so you can focus on your toddler. Another thing you may want to do is encourage your partner, aunts, uncles, and grandparents to spend more time with the older sibling if they are able to. To include your toddler in baby care, give them special jobs to help with the baby, then praise them for their helpfulness. Again, this lets them know they are still important and helpful.
One of the cutest things you can have your older child do is hold the new baby with supervision. The sense of pride they have, being able to do this on their own is the sweetest (bonus: this is a great photo op!) And as always, you want to find time each day, even if it’s just a few minutes, to spend with your older child to give them undivided attention. They will always remember the love they felt during one of the biggest transitions of their lives, even if they don’t remember a specific (or grand) activity.
Written By Annisa Foster; postpartum doula
