Tonight I'm writing this through the most exhausted eyes I've had since my 3rd child was born. We are currently struggling through RSV and I think we've hit the peak of discomfort.
Maybe it's my pure exhaustion but I'm feeling very emotional about the rate in which my children are growing up. This sleepless night has reminded me of the countless sleepless nights with my daughter, the worst sleeper in the world, and the pure exhaustion I felt every day as I tried to shush her back to sleep.
Now she's three and doesn't want to go to bed, but she knows the rules so back and forth to the bathroom she goes until I finally tell her no more. Pushing boundaries, learning and making her own rules, doing things her own way. She's always been like this and I hope she always stays this way.
My first child, my great sleeper, is almost 5 and I cant believe how the time flies. His sweetness as a baby has translated into goofyness and sarcasm as a little boy. But every single night without fail, he leans in to give me a big "strong" hug and a kiss that brings me right back to the angel boy that he once was. His sweet warm chunky cheeks and bright blue eyes. He was always exploring and wondering, trying to figure things out with so much joy.
Now i'm here with my third baby, my best sleeper by far but sick as a dog and coughing like crazy. Poor baby is so uncomfortable and I hate it. I want him to feel better, to be healthy and to, selfishly, sleep through the night again. But then he grabs onto my shoulder and lays his heavy head on my chest and his wheezing reminds me that these days speed by. It already feels like he's on the cusp of little boy hood and I'm not ready.
Our children move forward whether we want them to or not. There is no slowing down, no catching our breath. Theres no possible way to take things in and hold them, only memories that we can hold close to our hearts.
When I watch my clients bring new babies into the world, i'm stunned by how quickly things move and how a day turns into a year in one breath. Father's and mother's are created before my eyes and a lifetime flashes so quickly.
I'm so humbled by this career and so overwhelmingly grateful for the moments that my clients choose to share with me. The fact that people allow me into their space during one of the most monumental moments in their lives blows me away and I am truly humbled by the opportunity.
I don't know how I got so lucky to do this work that I love, in both being a mother and being a doula. I am truly grateful.