The Body to Strive For

You have worked hard your entire life to ensure a healthy and active body. You attend a gym, go to yoga once a week and drink tea and green smoothies like they're going out of style.

Then you get pregnant.

What a miracle! Your body is creating a human being! You spend nine months exercising, walking like crazy and indulging a here and there because the baby needs that second cupcake! You experience back aches, hip pressure and exhaustion like you've never felt before. 

What is this new body? Your once healthy, strong body feels like it's betraying you. You are weak and absolutely exhausted, despite the 12 hours of sleep you got the night before. The gym no longer brings you joy and you've settled on the couch as your new favorite place to be. You don't give up though. You keep doing yoga and the gym doesn't fall completely to the wayside, and you prepare.

Then the big day!

Its a marathon of 30+ hours and you finally get to hold your  beautiful baby. You experience so many emotions and are truly overwhelmed with love. You take the next few months to relax. You love on your new baby and allow your family and postpartum doula to care for you during the 4th trimester. You're pretty sure this is heaven! Then it happens. 

You take a look in the mirror. Your body isn't the same. It's a different girl looking back at you than the one a year ago. 

Our postpartum bodies hold so many stories. I personally have never been so overwhelmed with how amazing my body is and so utterly disappointed at the same time. I wanted so badly to be the one that sprung back to my pre baby body, but here's a secret no one tells you. No one looks exactly the same as their pre baby body. Every mother changes in some way, whether outwardly or on the inside. Pregnancy and motherhood change us. 

I'm here to give you the go ahead.

The OK, that you are allowed to mourn for something that is lost.

You are allowed to feel sad for the uninvited stretch marks.

Shed a tear for the hips that are a little wider than before.

Allow your heart to sink when you look at your once perfectly chiseled tummy. 

And try to find joy in this new body. 

Allow for the sadness and then remember. You are a women. An amazing, strong, beautiful women. You have done something that many can only marvel at! You have been to the edge and fought your way back. You created another humans body inside of your own. You may have fed, nourished and kept that human body alive with your own. This body has cradled, rocked, kissed, lifted, and hugged that little human and it has not broken. This new body is not the enemy. It's something to be cherished and loved on a daily basis. It's a sign every day to you and the world that you have done the impossible and have won! 

I want you to know that it's ok if you cry today because those stretch marks aren't really what you had in mind. But then I want you look yourself in the mirror and know that you are enough and that no one in the entire world could have done what you did, and that is something to embrace. That is a pride to strive for. 

5 Reasons to Hire a Birth Doula

. Doulas support your choices: Doulas are there to give you and your partner 100% unbiased support. That means that if you want a natural childbirth, we help with that. If you choose to get an epidural along the way, we help support you in that choice too.
 
2. We work with your care provider: We want to make your birth team excellent which means we work with your care provider instead of against them. This is your birth and you deserve a cohesive team of professionals to help you have the best experience possible!
 
. We've been there: Professional doulas have been specially trained to understand birth and all its eccentricities. We are not medical professionals but we know whats "normal" for a laboring woman and can help put your mind at ease. We've seen a lot and we know a lot!
 
4. We support your partner too: We are great at supporting women through labor and birth (and planned cesareans!) but we also help support and ease the minds of your partner. Seeing someone you love in a situation that you don't fully understand can be really tough. It's a huge weight lifted to have someone there that knows the ins and outs of birth and can say "she's doing great and so you are you, why don't we try (xyz)".
 
5. Postpartum support: Women deserve to be treated like queens after they give birth! A postpartum doula can ensure that that happens. We care for women during the postpartum period (the time immediately after giving birth up to 3 months). We are an outlet for mom to process her birth experience and fully come to terms with the choices that she made. We will clean, cook and cry with you and even fold laundry if you need it!
 
Just like you wouldn't run a marathon without support, don't go into your birth experience without being prepared! Hire a doula to help you feel empowered and prepared for your birth. Your choices, your birth, our support!
 
Pregnant in the Kansas City area? Contact us today at thedoulagirls@gmail.com or visit us at thedoulagirls.com.

Valentines Day with a Newborn

My daughter was born December 28th. I wasn't thrilled about having another winter baby (my first was a february baby!) but babies come when they come and that's that. Come Valentines day I was beyond ready to get out of the house and feel like a real person again! The only problem was that I was nursing a colicky baby and I didn't really feel comfortable leaving her with a sitter yet. 

So, like any stir crazy new mom I made a reservation! It wasn't the nicest restaurant but it wasn't Pizza Hut either so I was thrilled! I showered (a huge feat!) and put on makeup and even wore my best jeans! Tonight would be a night to remember!

We typed into the GPS the address to the restaurant and when we got there, realized there was absolutely zero parking near it. So we drove a distance away, fed the meter and grabbed the baby. If you've ever been to Iowa in February, you know what kind of sick joke the wind is. I swear I was pummeled by the wind and by the time we realized we were completely lost, my hearing was compromised and my hands were cracked and bleeding. But I was optimistic! We stopped in a little shop and asked directions. The restaurant was this cool loft style building and I was really feeling the vibe. I felt 24 and vibrant instead of the exhausted mom that I'd embodied the hours before.

Upon giving our name for our reservation, we were told that they didn't have a reservation under my name. I honestly almost started to cry. I asked them to please check again and ask around while we sat at the bar (baby car seat in hands). They did and we stared at the menu of delicious food that we may not be able to eat. Bad news. No reservation. They offered the shallow bar to us (but only appetizers ugh!) but we weren't having it. My husband suggested we try Olive Garden because that restaurant would surely be available on Valentines Day.

We drove there, me a little heartbroken but still fairly optimistic. After all, the toddler was with a sitter and the night was young!  We got to Olive Garden and a sea of cars greeted us. Every teen boy and his first girlfriend had decided that Olive Garden was the go to place for their Valentines dinner. Still optimistic we parked (ridiculously far away. Remember the wind?!) and ran into the restaurant. 

The. line. of. people. 

Out the door. 

45 minute wait. 

UGH!!!! 

So we waited. Our daughter cried and I felt like crying too. This was not how my night of romance and fun was supposed to work out!! 

Finally I gave up the dream, much to the relief of my exhausted and annoyed husband, and we got out of there. 

The only place in a city of 80,000 people that had a table available was Old Chicago Pizza. They were nice, I was devastated and we had pizza for Valentines Day. Remember how I was thrilled about not having to go to Pizza Hut? That really bit me in the butt. 

Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we want it to and during that postpartum period, that can be a hard pill to swallow. Thankfully we have many Valentines Day's to come and now we plan ahead and realize, we don't have to go out ON Valentines day! The Monday after works great too!

How to NOT eat all the cupcakes

I know I've said it before but I'll say it again, if my children were named after my cravings they would both be named old fashioned donut. There's something super tough about pregnancy and it's called cravings. Some people crave more eccentric snacks like mayonnaise pickles or beef jerky dipped in hot sauce. Some people, myself included, crave sugar. Sugar on sugar on sugar. I wanted to eat cupcakes covered in sugar cereal with hot chocolate on the side... for. every. meal.

Obviously this is not a good decision and these cravings should not be indulged in for every meal but, try to tell that to a pregnant woman. Its tough! Here's my tried and true ways to combat these sugar cravings during your pregnancy and beyond!

1. Take a nap: If you can, close your eyes for 15 minutes. If you're at work, take your lunch break to relax, put up your feet and take a little snooze. This will help give you the rush of energy you are looking for and keep you away from the snacks you crave. 

2. Lemon water: There's something about the lemony goodness of lemon water that shocks the senses and brings you back to a healthy state of mind. A water bottle infuser is a great place to start.

3. Meditation: If you don't have time for a nap, take 5 minutes and refocus on your day. Try to stay present during this time and relax. In my experience, when we are tensed and stressed we tend to have more cravings.

4. Eat a green smoothie: I LOVE green smoothies and have found that the frozen fruit and peanut butter that I like to put in them can really help with my sugar cravings. 

5. Indulge: When all else fails, indulge! Just remember to do so in small amounts and don't eat 12 cupcakes in one sitting. And if you do eat 12 cupcakes in one sitting?... Well, we've all been there! 

The never ending colic curse

As a first time mom with a *perfect* baby, I thought I knew everything! This motherhood thing was a cinch and I was rocking it! I couldn't be more thrilled with how motherhood had fallen into my lap and changed my life for the absolute better.

Looking at my tiny baby, I was sure that I knew it all and that if everyone would just do what I did, their baby would be *perfect* too! When my son was 14 months old, we found out I was pregnant again. I was thrilled! I just knew that this baby would fall into our lives and we probably wouldn't even notice because I was the best mom out there and knew exactly what to do! 

On December 28th my beautiful, chunky little girl was born screaming. Screaming, screaming and then screaming some more. I remember the nurses saying, after bringing her back from the nursery, that she basically cried the whole time but they wanted to give me some sleep so they took turns holding her.

Terror crept into my bones.

My son had been an angel in the hospital and the nurses ooh'd and ahh'd over his long eyelashes and beautiful skin. My daughter screamed. 

We took her home and she continued to scream. My daughter screamed for the first six months of her life. Scratch that, she's 13 months old and she still screams for the majority of the day.

he is clingy, stubborn, forceful and opinionated. She will throw herself onto the floor and clench her teeth when she doesn't get her way. As I type this, she is whining (loudly) and grunting until I give her my ice water to sip to hearts content, but she doesn't want to actually hold the cup, because that's my job.

Colic was not something that I understood until it looked me in the face and screamed. Now you may be thinking "what is wrong with that child? Why does she scream so much. You're probably not a great mom and give into her every whim." Trust me, this is not the case. If you're wondering where she got these traits, you don't have to look much further than me, her own mother. She is practically perfect in every way but she was born into this world with opinions as big as Mount Everest and she will be damned if you don't listen.

Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely obsessed with this child! She is brilliant and the light of my life. I feel insanely blessed to raise her and teach her the ways of independent, strong willed women, but HOLY HELL the crying and screaming!

I was not expecting this when my second child was born. I was ready for the sweet, quiet and timid baby that proceeded her. After all, I knew everything! I was prepared for the worst! Until the worst was something I was not prepared for. 

Every mother knows her baby and if this experience has taught me one thing, it's that I don't know anything. I can guess and I can try a million things but in the end, every baby is different, every family is different and it's not my place to judge or even have an opinion. I hope and pray every day that one day this screaming will turn into opinions that change the way people think and a voice that brings forth honesty and truth. But until then, I should probably go pick up my screaming baby.